you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
