I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
