Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
