Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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