I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
