So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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