I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
