I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
