i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
