I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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