I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
