Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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