We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
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