Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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