yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
