Jerry, you need to find god
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
