WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
