I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
