I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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