also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
