It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
