A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
