dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
