I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
