after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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