please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
love makes seman taste better
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
