i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
