It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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