There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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