I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
