Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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