I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
