i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
