fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
