Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
