I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
