He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
