..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
