Sry I called you an 8
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
