with your own penis?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
