Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
