i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
