I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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