DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
