that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
