remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
