You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
