Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
