well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
