There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
