I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
