just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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